First Shut It Off

**A little girl went to see the doctor with a pea in one nostril, a grape in the other and a bean stuck in her ear.  She said, “Doctor, I don’t feel well.” 

  The doctor replies…”I would say that the problem is that you aren’t eating right!”

**What did the chewing gum say to the shoe?

  I’m stuck on you!

**Which word in the dictionary is spelled incorrectly?

  Incorrectly.

**Why are teddy bears never hungry?

  Because they are always stuffed.

**Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon?

It has great food but no atmosphere.

**What do you get from a pampered cow?

  Spoiled milk!

**How do you change a pumpkin into another vegetable?

  You throw it out a window and it comes down squash.

**What did the ground say to the earthquake?

  You crack me up!!

**What did the judge say when the skunk came into the courtroom?

  Odor in the court!

**Why did the tomato turn red?

  It saw the salad dressing!

**Why do the sea-gulls fly over the sea?

  Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bagels!

**What did the spider do on the computer?

  He made a website.

**Why is 6 afraid of 7?

  Because 789.

**What did the pencil sharpener say to the pencil?

  Stop going around in circles and get to the point!

**What season is it when you are on a trampoline?

  Spring time!

**Why did the little boy eat his homework?

  Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.

**What is an astronaut’s favorite place on a computer?

  The space bar.

**What do you call cheese that is not yours?

  Nacho cheese!

What has one head, one foot and four legs?

  A bed.

**Why did the computer squeak?

  Because someone stepped on the mouse.

**Where do cows go on holiday?

  Moo York

**What is the difference between a teacher and a train?

  The teacher says,  “Spit your gum out” and the train says, “Chew, chew, chew”.